Self-esteem

Many clients seem to think that self-esteem is like a fixed quality that you either have or don’t have. I often explain to clients that self-esteem is quite simple. It is the sense of liking ourselves that changes from day to day as we proceed through each day engaging in behaviours and thoughts that increase it or decrease it. If I do something that makes me feel good about myself, my self-esteem goes up. So if I walk to work instead of taking the car or bus, I feel good about myself. If I smile at a stranger, my sense of liking myself goes up. If I do something that makes me feel bad about myself, my self-esteem goes down, e.g. I continue smoking when I know it’s bad for me and I want to give it up. Our need to keep working on our self-esteem never ends. When we are 80, we will still be needing to engage in behaviours and thoughts that make us feel good about ourselves.