Positive vs. Negative Goals

Often people try to change themselves and their behaviour from a place of “I want to stop….” e.g. eating so much, smoking, being so angry. The motivation is usually coming from fear, e.g. “I’ll be unattractive if I gain more weight”. Whereas this can work in the short term, fear motivated change is not likely to be permanent and can disappear as the fear recedes. Negatively framed goals are also likely to lead to self-criticism when the undesired behaviour creeps back in and this in turn leads to de-motivating oneself. On the other hand, a positive goal is one that focuses on the desired behaviour or outcome such as “I want to feel healthy”. Such a desire can be truly integrated into our sense of self in a way that a negative goal can never be (“I don’t want to be fat”). It’s the difference between seeing oneself as working towards health vs. seeing oneself as someone who is overweight and has to eat less.